Tomorrow I am starting my 10-day Master Cleanse.
It would make sense that on the day before my Master Cleanse I would forget to eat all day and then go to the birthday party for a dog whose owner is Vegan. Of course I was so starved that I noshed my ass off on carrot sticks, Hummus and taro chips so that by that the time Charlie and I went to my “last meal” at Honda Ya for a good ol Japanese tapas pig out, one little plate at a time, that I was too full to eat.
Of course this wasn’t my first Pre-Cleanse mistake. I did my cleanse supply shopping at, of all places, Whole Foods. Instead of stocking up on the delicious organic products, frozen pastas and over-priced groceries, I’m fighting the urge to rationalize just going grocery shopping since “I’m at Whole Foods, It’s all healthy anyway!” Suffice it to say, a shopping trip to gourmet grocery should be reconsidered if starvation is imminent.
Shopping List:
Organic Lemons
Pure Maple Syrup Grade B
Cayenne Pepper
Uniodized Sea Salt
Peppermint Tea
Senna Leaf Tea & Psyllium husks Pills
Bentonite Clay Liquid (Just THINKING about having to drink this makes my gag reflex go ape.)
BPA Free-Plastic 1-Quart Water Bottle
Next Stop – K-Mart for a Juicer. On the way to the Kitchen and Housewares section, I walked thru the Women’s Apparel department. HELLO GINGHAM SHIFT DRESS…I almost bought a dress at Kmart. And not it’s not like buying a dress at Target, which totally doesn’t negate my hipness. What in the name of Jaclyn Smith and Kathy Ireland. REBOOT. Juicer. Juicer. Juicer. What’s a bitch gotta do to get a juicer up in this mug? I’m pretty sure there are no employees that are WORKING at Kmart.
Now that I’ve got my cleanse kit fully stocked, including the recommended Tucks Medicated Pads (100ct), I’m ready to blow this shit out. Literally.
Ugh, Tucks. This cleanse is totally murdering my cool.
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5 comments:
dude........ I've done the master cleanse 7 times and i've never had to use Tucks or drink Bentonite Clay.... and psyllium husks?? whoa - that all sounds horrible.... Hit me for guidance or buy the yellow Master Cleanse book at Whole Foods for precise directions.
that was from me..ur, Monalisa
Remind me... what is this cleanse for? A tuck? Or just to cleanse the body period?
hey gen, so nice to be fellow mothers together.
whats up with the cleanse? are you breastfeeding.
ease up on the shopping and just breastfeed like nobody;s business
i am skinnier than i was pre-pregnancy.
the baby just sucks the fat off.
sounds weird i know but it works
one more thing-
just try water with maple syrup (to sweeten) and lemon to start the cleansing process
and then eat regular stuff..
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