You know what I hate more than Asian Fetishists, who support Bush and the occupation, type LiKeThIsAnDLiKeThAt, don’t own a passpost, leases a bling custom vehicle and lives at home?
The person I hate more than that person is the bitch that cries WOLF.
Ladies, ladies ladies. I love you. This is in no means a message to any one, two or three women. This is a general call for ALL WOMEN TO GET IT TOGETHER. Put up or Shut up. And I do mean SHUT UP.
Last week, I got out bed, rushed to the side of a friend I love very dearly because her and her boyfriend broke up. I spent the evening eating brownie sundaes at Swingers (messing up VERY BADLY at my South Beach Dist BTW) and being a very good friend.
I sent her home and I went home, bellies full, hearts and spirits strong. At about 230am, I was in bed trying my hardest to get to SLEEP. At 230am, her boyfriend came over and they were having make up intercourse.
YAY FOR THEM! Bad for me.
This is just the most recent of instances. I’ve saved people from abusive relationships, moved women out of their shared houses, driven hundreds of miles for women, spent countless hours on the telephone hanging on the every word, held women as they contemplated suicide, prayed for women, cried for women, moved women in, laid in bed with women while they wept, woken up the in the middle of the night to be there, got up really early in the morning to be there, ran two miles when the car service company was late, bought contraband and brought it over in an effort to relieve the pain and embarrassed myself to make women laugh thru her tears. I’ve done everything a friend should do to be a friend and yet 99.89 percent of the time, the dumb bitches Just. Keep. Going. Back.
Let me give you a little history about myself. I’m not perfect in relationships. I had some bad ones and I’ve had some good ones and I’ve had some where even under the most intense CIA interrogation I would deny. But I’ll tell you one thing, FOR THE MOST PART, I didn’t go crying all types of nonsense and all the while carrying on a relationship the person I’m complaining about. For crissakes, most of my friends didn’t even know me and my last boyfriend were broken up until I got calls from people telling me he was seen at ASR with the ugliest of ugh-bots. Then and only then was I forced to reveal the break up. In 1997, I went thru a sudden and acute case of 2 year insanity-itis when I was dating a guy who cheated on me like he had a personal quota. I suffered in silence knowing full well, I wasn’t strong enough to leave him. And when we did break up, again, no one knew until I was moving in with my new boyfriend.
There should be a rule. If you tell all your friends you’ve broken up with someone, we friends get to stab you repeatedly if you two get back together. Just in the arms and legs or something. Nowhere, you know, fatal. It should be a law. Not just a rule. If should be a law that for every hour that we have to listen to you cry, complain, cry, get encouraged, cry, have epiphanies and cry again, I get to stab you in the calf one time for each hour.
I know this sounds severe, but I also have to say that when a man hurts my friend and when that friend comes to me crying, that man has hurt ME. And when that man hurts ME, I’ve got to hurt that man. Or, I’ve got to hurt SOMEONE.
You know what ALSO bugs me out. Women want to talk all kinds of shit about their men and then expect me to be all “HI (Boyfriend’s name here)! HOW ARE YOU? Yea, like OH MY GOD! That’s a nice sweater vest.” Ladies, this is REALLY ANNOYING.
I’m supposed to know your man cheated on you, has no redeeming qualities, trampled on your spirit, given you low-self esteem, abused you and/or has been telling you he wants to fuck me, yet I’m supposed to be like, “Hey Yea, let’s have brunch at Millie’s, OK? COOL!”
OK so I’m gonna break it down.
1) A man is going to treat you like shit if you LET HIM TREAT YOU LIKE SHIT. I mean, I’d shit on you too, if you let me. Ultimately, if you are in a relationship where the man is treating you like shit, it’s YOUR FAULT. SORRY!
2) If you are unhappy with the way your man is treating you, give him the benefit of the doubt and TALK TO HIM. If he doesn’t comply or make an effort, LEAVE HIS ASS. Men are wired differently than women. They don’t want to talk, they don’t want to discuss or weigh the pros and cons, they don’t want to hear about your feelings. Speak to them in a language they understand. Man language is also referred to as “Action.” The action word they understand the most and is universal and not specific to race or culture is called “LEAVE HIS ASS.”
-Leaving his ass means NOT TALKING TO HIS ASS UNTIL HE IS BEGGING TO HAVE THAT TALK YOU WANTED SO BAD. Any man worth his salt and that would have been willing to make SOME changes in the first place would come back at this point willing to do what you want to reconcile.
-If he doesn't he would have never changed for you to begin with and good riddance to bad rubbish.
-Don’t let them come back just cos he said “Sorry.” That’s not gonna cut it.
-Just cos he came back after you left his ass, it doesn't mean he fixed shit, it just means he wasn't finished shitting on you and/or he wasn't ready to let you move on with YOUR life.
3) If after insert time frame of 2 years or more here that shit head still has no redeeming qualities and you have no kids and you’re still young and beautiful and you aren’t financially dependent on him, LEAVE HIS ASS FOR GOOD. This is what I like to call “to the curb with that one.” What exactly is there that you are trying to fix? Do you really have such low self-esteem that you’d want to stay with a man like that anyway?
4) THE GOLDEN RULE Unless you are one million percent sure you are not going back to him, don’t come crying to us, your best friends, cos guess what? It HURTS our feelings when you go back to them and we know what they put you thru. AND another added benefit when we are talking about me is that I begin to think you are PATHETIC and question is I even want to be friends with you anymore. YEA! DOUBLE WHAMMY!
Post Script for the Men:
I am not gay and I am not a man-hater. I sometimes WISH I was a man so I could have beautiful adoring women worship the ground I walk on to the point of embarrassment. I mean, the things we women do for the sake of love is crazy. If anything I think women are chumps, not men. Men are just opportunistic. Anyway, everything I say about men in the above passages are all specific to the testimony of the complaining women and not a sweeping generalization on men.
Post Script for the Women:
The doctor is no longer in. I will no longer be taking appointments or listening to sob stories. If your matter is urgent please call my message service at 1-800-I-Don’t-Give-A-Fuck
Love,
Gen
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4 comments:
That is great.
Women my advice to you is if you are married or just dating get a skill so that if one day this asshole decides your no good for him get the hell out of there and handle your business.Forget all that cryin and eating brownies get up get out and do something for you.There are many more fish in the sea.Go fishing hell catch a couple of fish till you get the right one.
Large tracts of this text are utterly bogus.
Men DO like to discuss their problems. They just find their way to a cusp, where they'd rather not, if it involves rampant irrational digressions, flagrant bombardedment with rhetorical guilt trips and shaming lectures, and apparantly cyclic patterns with no perceptable goal of resolution or mutal progression to a point of understanding and appreciation. If you want to understand something about aggragate men, understand this: The "non discussive" attribute is total myth. What they are is more a "fixer" mentallity. If they see it's broken, they want to fix it. They come to realise that what many women want is not resolve, but chaos. They want their disatisfaction to be validated by a cacphony, and aren't satiated until they've exhausted themselves in wallow, and have managed to obliterate the logical composure of the male.
The motives, are where it all differs most. You also speak very presumptiously about the veracity of the claims these women make in criticism of their men. I've heard it all before. Some of the interpretation of facts I've heard from women, in account of traspirations I've been privvy are about as credible as snapshots of bigfoot.
I read your article and have come to the conclusion that if you are in a love boat together and he doesn't want to take things personal with you and finds fault with everythig you do and when you try and talk to him and he shrugs his shoulder at you which is in fact a slap in the face then throw his ass over board. There is more fish out in that sea.
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