Debunking CockTales

All this cock-talk has inspired me to write another blog. In fact, I’m going to stay home instead of wishing Frankie Happy Birthday, (again,) in lieu of writing this little tid bit of information and watching the Ray Charles television special. I don’t know why I’ve decided to reinvent myself as some sex expert, so I’ll say that this is a general analysis of an accumulation of various conversations I’ve had with different women, of different ages, colours, sizes, geographic locations, cultures, sub-cultures and wealth. This is NOT LAW and I’m NOT A FOR REAL PRO. So you could either take what I say or leave it. You can leave your own opinions, or you can tell me you think I’m wrong. I really don’t care, but when I read my comments I hope that it’s to either feel good about myself or learn something new. I’ll try my best to not to over generalize and I’ll use words like “OCCASIONALLY” and “SOMETIMES” to keep everyone’s feelings safe.

Lesson number one: Super-Size Me! No Thanks..
Too much of a good thing is only too much, nothing else. Well, I should elaborate on this. Men with big dicks, you’re not Gods. You’re just men with big dicks. And you don’t necessarily fuck so great, but E for effort! So, regular-dick-sized men, don’t feel so bad. SOMETIMES men with big dicks can’t get super-stiff. And a semi-woody is as useful to me as Nader in this election. I don’t want it. In fact, leave. You gotta do the whole magician stuffing the kerchief in a clenched fist trick. It’s not fun and you know what? When it’s soft, WE CAN’T EVEN FEEL IT, NO MATTER HOW BIG YOU ARE. Yea…. OCCASIONALLY, men with big dicks have been known to think that sticking their big dicks in is the prize. Like, “TAH-DAH! Aren’t you thankful to have my big dick in you?” Yea?…No. You better move that thing, or I’m going to ask you to get out. Then there’s the intrinsic generosity that men with Big Un’s have. They have been known to SHARE their gift of big-dickedness with others. It’s a very kind gesture and all, but no thanks. I don’t really like sharing.
As a note to the ladies who say they only want to fuck men with big dicks: try kegel excercises, it works. Gimme a break with that whole big dick elitism. A dick is a dick is a dick. It’s the guy behind the dick that’s doing all the work.

Lesson number two: Race Relations.
Black men? Myth.
Latino men? Myth.
Jewish men? Myth.
Italian men? Myth.
Asian men? Myth. Not that I’ve ever met an Asian man that wants to fuck me. But I do have a black female friend who now dates exclusively Asian men. And she (and other FOAMs: Fans Of Asian Men) told me that they, as lovers, overcompensate for their cultural low sexual expectations and WORK IT OUT. Cool. How she ever got an Asian guy to date her, I’ll never know, Asian men are attracted to me like they’re attracted to the atom bomb. They’re not.
As in life, color doesn’t matter. So don’t tell me just because I’ve dated Black men before that I did it for dick size. For a good two years, I was invisible to everyone but Black men. And fuck it if I’m going to go for two years without sex.
And to put another Black Myth to rest, yes, they do eat pussy.

Lesson number three: Average need not be
Yea, yea, yea, the average dick size is 6 inches and whatever. Truly, size doesn’t matter, unless you’re really, really small. Then umm, it does matter and please learn how to eat pussy. But average is great. Average is totally cool with most women. What I need to know is does it get stiff? Can you break down my door with it if I’m locked out? Now THAT’s what I want to hear. If your dick doesn’t get stiff, One, I’m insulted and sex is gonna be LAME. For both of us and Two, as I already mentioned, I don’t feel you.
No, literally, I CAN’T FEEL YOU.
So Average Guys, love your dicks. Your dicks RULE. Learn a few positions other than doggie style, missionary and me on top. Grab my ankles and pull them up the air like your were changing my pampers. Choke me, come in from the side, switch it up, go crazy! We’re here to have fun and your average size dick is not going to get in the way of any of that! AWESOME!

Lesson number four: FORE!!!!!
This is for the Non-Jewish Europeans and West Indians. You’re so fucking lucky, man. The head of your dicks is encased in a warm little flesh turtleneck, protected from bouncing around in your boxers and getting callous to the sense of touch. I just moved here from NY. I’ve been lucky enough to take lovers whose parents didn’t mutilate their penises for the sake of a false cleanliness. (Jewish people, it’s part of your culture/religion so that last sentence does not apply to you.) Anyway, you all may be “Eyyyywwww”ing me and wincing, but fuck you. Men with their foreskins are JUST AS CLEAN as men without. AND when it’s erect it looks EXACTLY the same. AND because their dicks have a whole other level of sensitivity, sex with them is RIDICULOUSLY SEXY. Yummm….Any Europeans reading this, call me. I’m free on Wednesday. I’ll put my thing down flip it and reverse it.

Anyway, I hope this helps in SOME WAY. I'm sure I'll add to this some day. But right now, Law and Order is on. And I've got a mystery to solve.

POST-WRITING PREDICTION: Most men will not comment except to say "I HAVE A BIG COCK AND I KNOW HOW TO FUCK AND MY DICK CAN TOO GET STIFF!!!" Most regular dick-sized men aren't going to freely chime in and cheer "I LOVE MY REGU-DICK!" It's ok, I understand. i love ya'll anyway!"