5. The girls they were with RIGHT BEFORE YOU. Case in point, my exboyfriend’s lover RIGHT BEFORE ME was a 50-something year-old stripper. She works at the Star Strip on La Cienega and Beverley. Two words for you, Missus Stripper, “Retirement Fund.” Seriously, check her out. She looks like the Evil Witch from OZ sans green makeup.
I’m not kidding, field trip there and I’ll pay for everyone’s way in if you don’t believe me. Plus if you were ever wondering what your mom looks like naked, this is your chance. She gets TOTALLY naked ya'll. So back to my point. BEFORE YOUR BOYFRIENDS BECAME YOUR BOYFRIENDS, they slept with skanks. Strap a rubber on.
4. The girls they are with WHILE THEY ARE STILL FUCKING YOU RAW. Case in point, my ex-boyfriend’s recent who-knows-what-the-fuck-to-call-it. She has three kids and is missing her two side front teeth. If you’re a skater or a surfer, you probably already know who she is. She’s Marc Gonzalez’s sister. Yea, and if you know who she is, you know she weighs about 175 lbs and is about 5’4” tall.
Anyway, you’re boyfriend? He’s fucking her too. And he’s fucking HER RAW, too. And he wants to come home to you and stick his dick in you now. So strap a rubber on.
3. The OTHER girls they are fucking in addition to the missing tooth girl maybe for their birthday now that they are not fucking you. Now, your ex-boyfriend, is fucking some random girl who is willing to get her pussy and their sex act photographed and advertised on an online community. Proof:
She’s easy and she’s at a hotel with your ex-boyfriend having unprotected sex and now he’s passing on whatever he’s got to her and she to him. So now this ex-boyfriend and many like him are going to want to eventually end up being your new boyfriend with their rock band called The V.D.’s. So please, when you meet him and the many like him, strap a rubber on.
2.HEY! Sometimes, YOU wanna fuck around on your boyfriend too. But when you and your BF are having unprotected sex, it makes it really hard to put a rubber on the one you’re gonna fuck around on him with. But of course you do, because you are a responsible cheater, but it sucks because he’s got a balloon on his dick and it feels like it. So to get used to the feeling of a rubber by always using a rubber.
1. NUMBER ONE REASON WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS USE A CONDOM. I have two people that are very close to me that are attractive and healthy and social and fun and smiling and partying and whooping it up all the time. They run in separate circles and do not hang around with eachother. One is a man, one is a woman. Both are super totally fuckable and hot. Both are HIV positive. One of them is totally forthcoming and honest one of them is not.
So always, ALWAYS ALWAYS use a rubber.
If you need me I'll be at the clinic getting tested.
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