Your iPhone is a Piece of Shit and so is Your Face

Sorry, Charlie. I know you love your iPhone, but you love it more than me.

It doesn't help that you're more in your iPhone's face more than you are in mine.
It doesn't help that it's skinnier and prettier than me, therefore I am jealous.
It doesn't help that your phone's volume is so low that you never hear it ring, therefore you never pick up your phone, therefore I think you are always cheating on me now.
It doesn't help that when we get in these debates about something that I know I am wrong about. Instead of deciding to "Google it when we get home" and me praying you'll forget, you go straight to the iPhone and prove me wrong.
It doesn't help that you go to it for all your iAnswers.
It doesn't help that when you needed to get a cover for your iPhone, we went to the Apple store and you patiently tried on EVERY cover in EVERY colour, debating every ever subtle nuance from colour, to texture, to dimensions, when you can barely stand to wait for me to try on clothes.

iHate your iPhone.

iPhone = P.O.S.

PS - ya'll, I'm actually joking (sorta) about all of the above. I love me some Charlie and I'm waiting for 2nd Gen iPhone. You know, when we'll actually be able to cut and paste. MAYBE.